Marriage Counselling, A Step Before Divorce

There comes a time in most marriages when trouble hits the relationship but this does not have to mean that you should divorce. Divorce is final and there are several things that a couple can do before they take the decision to end their marriage. Sometimes when problems occur in a marriage all that may be necessary is for the couple to have a bit of time apart and to speak with a good friend.

If you feel that your problems are too deep to discuss with a friend and you need some sort of counselling together then there are organisations such as Relate, which can help. Marriage counsellors are there to act as a mediator and to listen to what both people in the relationship have to say. Occasionally a counsellor may want to see you separately either before or after the first counselling session together. Not all counsellors work this way but some like to get a feel for couples as individuals as well as part of a unit.

Marriage counselling is not to be undertaken lightly and requires commitment on the part of both partners. Most counselling for married couples is undertaken by registered charities and you may have to pay towards the sessions depending on your financial circumstances. When people see a marriage counsellor it is because both partners feel that there is something in the marriage worth saving but they need some help to do this. Marriage counsellors are trained to be non-judgmental and are ready to listen to whatever you have to say.

It is not easy opening up to a stranger about your marital problems but if you have been married for some time it is worth trying whatever you can. Divorce should be thought of as the last available option, not the first, when there is trouble in a marriage. Occasionally, if a couple have not been married for very long they may not fully understand that marriage has to be worked at. Happiness in the home does not come automatically. When you marry someone both of you have to learn to live with each other. You may discover things about your husband or wife that you never knew before and find difficult to handle. A marriage counsellor can help you to see whether your problems are resolvable or whether you should consider divorce.

If you try marriage counselling and find that it is not working for you it could be that you need to work things out with another counsellor. Marriage counsellors are like mediators to some extent in that they are meant to be impartial. Unlike a mediator, a counsellor may suggest things that you can do to improve the areas of your marriage that are problematic. Seeing a marriage counsellor means you want to try and save your marriage. Although talking to a marriage counsellor may be difficult, the process is not as difficult as breaking up the marriage and going through a divorce.